Healthy Emotional Communication with Your Children/Teens

(From a workshop I gave in 2016)

Introdution: We will be discussing the importance of validating your child’s feelings in order to help him/her feel seen, heard, understood, accepted and loved. We do this by empathizing with her/his feelings, while still holding her/him to the boundaries (limits/expectations) you’ve set.

OUTLINE:

A.      Help your children and teens feel seen, heard, understood, accepted and loved

B.      Help your children identify their feelings

C.      How to validate your children’s feelings

D.     A Word on Feelings - We only have this moment

E.      Own our own feelings and reactions

F.       Avoid invoking guilt

G.     Avoid manipulation

H.     To still set clear expectations in spite of their feelings

I.        How to balance Nurturance and Frustration Tolerance in parenting

J.        Practical ways to keep the communication channel open, especially as your children become teens and young adults

 

A.      Help Your Children and Teens Feel Seen, Heard, Understood, Accepted and Loved

·         We all want to be seen, heard, understood, accepted and loved.

·         God sees, hears, understands, accepts and loves us unconditionally. http://linrathe.blogspot.com/

·         Children are from God, we are stewards of His children. Our children belong to God, not to us.

·         We need to see that each child is a unique reflection of God’s own glory, thus, our job is help to bring out God’s unique glory in each child instead of trying to mold our child after our own likeness.

·         Get to know your child as an unique creation from God, regardless of how similar s/he might be to you. S/he is still an unique and SEPARATE individual apart from you.

·         Be mindful to not project your own character traits, likes and dislikes onto your children: respect your child, but do not worship him/her.

·         Help your child to voice what his/her preferences are, but you be the parent who makes the final decision. Do not give your child the message that s/he is the boss of the family. You and your spouse are the boss, and they are the children.

 

B.      Help Your Children Identify Their Feelings

·         We first have to be aware of our own feelings.

·         Recall when we were children/teenager and how we felt: powerless, wronged, trapped, defenseless, misunderstood, hurt, rejected, abandoned, neglected…

·         When you see your child acting frustrated or angry, help him/her to identify the feeling so s/he could put words to the feelings, thus better identifying them. We can do this by:

·         Role-modeling for our child what we think they might be feeling by their behavior and say, “It’s frustrating that…” Or: “Feeling impatient the computer isn’t re-booting fast enough!” Or: “Why is the long taking so long! Frustrating!” Or: “You’re hungry and don’t want to wait for the milk to warm up!”

·         Use humor in empathizing with your child’s feelings: “We want food! We want food! We want it now! We don’t want to wait!” (in a sing-song tone)

 

C.      How to Validate Your Children’s Feelings

·         In order to help our children to validate their feelings, we need to be willing to “go there” with their feelings by being in touch with our own feelings…without identification, we cannot empathize with others.

·         Acknowledge and Join your child’s feelings in the moment without explaining why you did/said what you did/said, in the moment. At a later time, explain your reason.

·         Invite your child to tell you more, how you’ve let him/her down or upset her/him.

·         You know you have succeeded when your child is able to tell you their negative feelings (without being disrespectful through insults or curse words), AND able to tell you their positive feelings toward you. It is a sign of emotional intimacy when one can say EVERYTHING (entire range of feelings) toward one another, WITHOUT ACTING ON the negative feelings.

·         After validating your child’s feelings, still hold her/him accountable to the limits you’ve set as a parent (i.e., “I am such a killjoy, not letting you go on the internet to play before you finish your homework! You still have to finish your homework before you can get on line…the sooner you fully complete your homework, the sooner/longer you’ll get to go online to play…”).

·         We would validate the feelings without explaining ourselves in the moment in order to validate the child’s feeling. However, sometimes we can slip in the reason as we validate the feeling (i.e., A father picked up his 18-months-old to prevent her from walking on broken glass without stating why… “Daddy didn’t want you to hurt yourself stepping on the broken glass, but he didn’t tell you why he picked you up. That felt frustrating!”)

·         Side Bar: To help your child to not lie or keep secrets from you, VALIDATE his/her feelings WITHOUT LECTURING him/her IN THE MOMENT.

 

D.     A Word on Feelings - We Only Have This Moment

·         Feelings are not logical, rational, sensible, nor objective.

·         Our emotional life is made up of MOMENTS.

·         Don’t play the tape (1 Corn 13:5), or write the script (“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.  Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.  Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”) Luke 12:22-26.

·      Each moment ends.

·      We need to stay in this moment. The more we are able to stay in this moment, the better chance we can build a better future.

 

E.      Own Our Own Feelings and Reactions

·         Feel our own feelings and separate our feelings from others’ feelings.

·         Acknowledge our own feelings and not project them onto our children.

·       When we are upset, verbalize and take responsibility for our own feelings, instead of accusing or attacking our children (i.e., “Mommy is feeling frustrated and impatient because Mommy is tired and having a bad moment. I am not being patient with you right now and just need you to cooperate and finish your homework so we can get to bed”).

·         Apologize when we are in the wrong. It demonstrates us taking ownership/responsibility for our own actions.

·       Strive to AVOID reacting any of these three emotional ways: 1) Retaliation; 2) Crumble from fragility; 3) Withdraw and become distant. Instead, Validate your child’s feelings and ask how else have you “failed” them as a parent.

 

F.       Avoid Invoking Guilt

·       Feelings of powerlessness, being misunderstood, wronged and un/under-appreciated are normal feelings parents would feel. It can be tempting to “guilt” our children into cooperation. But it can instill sense of guilt and shame that causes them to pull away and hide (lie and keep secrets) from us.

·         2 Corinthians 7:10 ~ “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” Work on Conviction, not Condemnation.

·         Avoid saying: “I am disappointed with you.” Instead, say: “I am feeling frustrated with you…”

 

G.     Avoid Manipulation

·       Children soak up what we do versus what we say; “Values are caught, not taught.”

·       Avoid Controlling our children through emotional blackmail. (i.e., “If you really loved Daddy, you’d do this…”)

·       Instead, be upfront with what behaviors/attitudes we would like to see and “negotiate”/delineate positive and negative consequences to their behaviors/attitudes. We will discuss this further in “Practical Discipling workshop on April 19^th)

 

H.     To Still Set Clear Expectations in Spite of Their Feelings

·       While we validate our children’s feelings, it’s very important that we still hold them to the boundaries and expectations we have set for them. We will discuss this further in “Practical Discipling workshop on April 19^th)

 

I.        How to Balance Nurturance and Frustration Tolerance in Parenting

·       Healthy child-rearing requires both nurturance and training our children to grow in their frustration tolerance.

·       Saying “No” (without being an authoritarian) in a relationship help us have a closer relationship, as the two parties would have to learn to negotiate/communicate with one another.

·       Help your child to integrate her/his Superego, Ego and the Id so s/he can be emotionally healthy.

 

J.     Practical Ways to Keep the Communication Channel Open, Especially as Your Children Become Teens and Young Adults

·         Keep in mind your ultimate goal: For your teen and young adult children to be able to share their thoughts, feelings and life with you.

·         Seize the opportunity to be your child’s friend when s/he opens up to you. LISTEN, and do NOT lecture. Kids are like timid turtles who’d retreat back into their protective shells quickly when they sense disapproval or a lecture coming.

·         Strive to have monthly one-on-one dates with each of your children where the child has quality time with you and feels s/he has a voice and is seen and heard by you. (Set a time frame and budget for the date. Your child gets to decide on which activity you two will be doing, and s/he gets to be the “boss” on that date with you: whatever s/he says goes. I.e., s/he can change the rules of a game you two might be playing. Over time, you can socialize your teen how to negotiate being on a real date with his/her peer ~ teach him/her to negotiate common activity after you and your child have spent countless dates where s/he was the boss with you.)

·         As your child grows up, your relationship with him/her needs to change: it’s no longer “Top-Down” relationship, as it becomes more and more as “friends/peers,” while the parents are still parents.

Effective Communication Skills:

·         “It takes two to communicate: The Speaker and the Listener.”

·       The message the Speaker wants to communicate isn’t necessarily what the Listener hears. So, check in with your child what message s/he is getting from what you are saying in the moment. (When your child verbalize his/her version of what you’re saying, validate his/her feeling, and then explain what you are trying to say.)

Five Basic Tenants of Effective Communication:

1.      Validate each other’s experience and perspective (the Parable of the Two Blind Folds).

2.      Agree to disagree.

3.      Use the phrase: “I feel…” instead of: “You did…”

4.      Avoid hyperboles of: “You always” or, “You never.”

5.      Practice Listening Check.

Resources:

1. Loving Ourselves So We Can Love Others (Blog) http://linrathe.blogspot.com/
2. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/product-category/free/
3. Dare to Discipline: http://www.amazon.com/The-Dare-Discipline-James-Dobson/dp/0842305068
4. Boundaries with Kids: http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157/ref=sr_1_8?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1458095640&sr=1-8&keywords=boundaries+dr+henry+cloud
5. Boundaries with Teens: http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Teens-When-Say-Yes/dp/0310270456/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458261674&sr=8-1&keywords=boundaries+with+teen
6. Blessings of a Skinned Knee: http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=blessings+of+a+skinned+knee&tag=googhydr-20&index=stripbooks&hvadid=83541566309&hvpos=1t2&hvexid=&hvnetw=s&hvrand=13611674024406351634&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_5tuh3ajyri_b
7. Strengths Finders 2.0: http://www.amazon.com/dp/159562015X/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=71136362316&hvpos=1t3&hvexid=&hvnetw=s&hvrand=13496259472522645420&hvpone=15.29&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_3wexjuz7xq_b

(Post 3)

Listening Tools For Parents and Their Children

 

INTRODUCTION: In order for parents and their children to be able to better communicate with one another through the generational and language gaps, the first order of things is that all parties involved know how to listen to one another. A lot of the times, the message that the Speaker is trying to state becomes distorted by the Listener, as the Listener is usually listening through the history of their relationship with the Speaker. Assumptions are being made even before the Speaker completes what they are stating. Similarly, the Speaker has their own set of ideas and definitions and intentions of what they are trying to communicate, and assumes that the Listener understands the Speaker’s intentions and definition of words spoken.

 

Following are DEFINITIONS and EXAMPLES of some Listening Tools that parents and their children can learn to use:

 
Affirmation = Acknowledging a person’s accomplishments and giving of encouragement.

Examples:    “Good for you, you’ve got your mind set!”

                   “I am so proud of you!”

“Wow! You completed that task so thoroughly/diligently/ thoughtfully”*

* Please keep in mind that the more SPECIFIC you are in pointing out what the person has accomplished, the more the person would be able to “take in” your affirmation, which helps to build their self-esteem.

 

Checking in = Asking the person how they are doing at the moment. It helps the person to “stay in the moment” or become more aware of how s/he is coming across to you/others.

Examples:    “How are you doing right now?”

                     “Where are you (as in, emotionally or mentally) right now?”

                             “How are you feeling?”

 

Clarification = Checking one’s perception of what was said to better understand the speaker.

Examples: “Am I hearing you correctly, that you’re saying you’ve decided to go ahead with this?”

              “Are you saying that life sucks?”

                   “Are you saying that there’s no hope?”

          “Are you saying that you should not bother with it?
”Are you saying that it is not fair?”

 

Confrontation = Bringing the cognitive dissonance to the foreground with the speaker.

Examples:“ You’re saying that God is in charge of your life, but you would still like to take control of the situation at all cost?”

    “Is God really in charge or is He not? You’re saying both things right now…”

 

Deflection = “Redirecting” the focus back to the person so s/he can talk more about him/herself instead of focusing on your opinion.

 This is used when the speaker asks what do you think about what s/he is saying, you respond by saying:

“What do YOU think about that?”

              “How should I respond?”

                   “What response would be helpful to you right now?”

                   “How should I think?”

 
Encouragement = Giving of positive reinforcement for the person to keep up their good work; Cheering the person on. It’s similar to “Affirmation.”

Examples:    “That was a good job! It sure wasn’t easy, but you did it anyway!”

                   “You did that so well!”

         

Exploration/Probing = Asking of open-ended questions to get the person to speak more (they would further elaborate on what they mean).

Examples:    “Tell me more about it.”

                     “What do you think about that?”

                             “Could you elaborate more on it for me?”

                             “So, how do you feel about what’s happening to your life?”

 

*Joining = “Emotional” agreement of what is being said in the moment. It is done with matching emotion/affect, as if you were one with the speaker and you are feeling how the person is feeling. It’s like you’re finishing your close friend’s sentence.  You’re cheering the person on. You’re sharing the person’s “emotional space.”

 

* This is the most effective way of conveying that you are “with” the person emotionally and that you are totally on their side. Usually, this would enable the Speaker to sense your care the most. At the same time though, it is NOT to be used as a “technique,” thus it should NEVER be used UNLESS you REALLY FEEL how the Speaker is feeling. Otherwise, this will backfire on you, as it would come across to the Speaker as patronizing or condescending…

Examples:    “You’ve got your mind set!”

                   “You go!”

                   “I’m being such a mean parent right now!”

                   “There’s no hope.”

                   “Why bother?!”

                   “It’s not fair!”

                   Etc…

 

Listening Check = Saying back to the person what s/he has just said, using her/his words, without interpreting or reacting to the content. This is used to help the person feel heard, while you might not agree with their shared content.

Examples: “You’re saying that you have no friends because we, as your parents, won’t let you go and hang out with your friends at the mall.”

               “You’re saying that if we really understood you, we’d let you stop the piano lessons.”

Reflection = You say back to the person what you heard them saying, in your own words.

Examples:    “What I’m hearing you saying is that you resent having such strict parents”

                   “What I’m hearing you saying is that you feel controlled by us…”

 

Open-ended Questions/Exploration = Questions that cannot be answered with a simple “Yes” or “No” ~ The speaker has the free reign to say anything on his/ her mind. You’ll never know how the person will respond.

 

The questions in the “Exploration” examples are all open-ended.

 

Reframing = Rephrasing what the person has said with a new “spin.” Helping the person to look at it from a different perspective/angle.

Examples:

The child says: “I don’t think there is any use. Why do my best when no one will ever acknowledge it? You only see what I have not done, versus what I have accomplished…”

The parent says: “As your parent, we want you to do the very best. We are rooting for you to accomplish all of your goals, sometimes at the cost of not acknowledging your accomplishments.”

(Post 2)


Parenting Tips

Set Specific Standards/Expectations: It is usually not helpful to give general affirmation (Eg: “Just do your best,” or, “You are great!”), as the child doesn’t know how high s/he should aim that would actually be their “best.” Rather, it’s more prudent to tell your child Specific (measurable) goals you expect them to achieve. For example, the parent says to his daughter: “I know that you are really good in science and not so good in social studies. I expect you to work hard at both and get an ‘A’ in science, and at least a ‘B’ or ‘B+’ in social studies.”

“Being on the Same Side (vs Acting as Opponents): It behooves us as parents, to maintain a close relationship with our children, especially as they grow and become adults. With that in mind, it’d be good to Set Clear Expectations, Enforce the Expectations, while Build Self-Esteem of our children. It is therefore wise not to humiliate our children or condemn them.

“For Godly sorrow brings repentance, which leads to salvation and leaves no regret. But worldly sorrow brings death” (2 Corinthians 7:10).  “Godly sorrow” is conviction from the Holy Spirit, which is gentle and not condemning (“Now there is therefore, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” - Romans 8:1). Conviction causes us to stop our unhealthy/wrongful behavior and make a 180 degree change (“Brings repentance”), restore relationship with God (aka, parents, in this situation), “leading to salvation and leaves no regret”: not having to grapple with condemnation. But Satan is the father of lies and wants us to wallow in our guilt, which cause us to feel shame. The result of shame is a “pulling away” in the relationship.

It behooves us to do away with shame, and show grace instead. This would enable us to keep an affectionate relationship with our children. When a person feels totally accepted, the person then has the courage to examine him/herself and to change.

As parents, we can be gracious, merciful, loving while also holding on to righteousness and godliness to our children. This is especially important, as children grow up to experience/view God according to the type of parents they grew up under.

It is important that we “teach and train” our child up in the Lord, so they will not walk far away from God. We need to be clear with expectations, while balancing them with grace and mercy. So, let’s lay down the law (aka, giving clear expectations toward our children), while being on our children’s team, emotionally.

We need to be “on our children’s side,” versus being on the “opposing team” against them. Come alongside our children and they will aspire to do right in order to please us…

Lose the Battle to Win the War/Choose Your Battles: It is prudent to let go of things that bother you, especially when it is your preference, taste or style. Step back and look at the big picture: Will your child really go down a path of self-destruction if s/he doesn’t do exactly what you are telling him/her right now? If the answer is a “Most likely, no,” then let it go…remember to preserve the emotional relationship is more important to make your child into a clone of you or to “undo” the damage done to you by your parents.

For example: If your child is messy, have him/her contain her/his mess in their own room. Whatever is left in the “common/public area” can either be confiscated for a period of time or be picked up by you and piled in your child’s room…

Both the parents and children resent having to nag, or be nagged at. Set up clear consequences for when your child “chooses” to incur a natural consequence of his/her behavior.

Let Your Child Know that S/He Has Choices: It’d be good to instill in your child that s/he always has choices. Let your child know that he/she is always making choices, and s/he can “choose” what will happen next, by choosing which action s/he is taking in this moment.

Even when we “Don’t decide,” we are actually “deciding” on staying in the same course. When we say, “Later…” we are actually saying: “I’m going to keep on doing what I’m doing a little longer…”

Since we usually don’t want to do what we are told to do, and want to do what we are told not to do (Romans 7: 19), it’d be good to let your child know that whatever s/he is choosing to do has its natural consequences, vs getting locked in a power struggle with him/her.

Natural Consequence is the Best “Disciplinary Tool”: The Bible states: “Spare the rod and spoil the child” (Proverbs   ). Since actual physical punishment is not allowed by law in United States, giving Natural Consequence as discipline is usually very effective.

For example, your child is allowed to play a computer/video game AFTER s/he finishes home work (thoroughly) for the day. When your child wastes a lot of time and doesn’t finish her/his home work until late, say to your child: “I guess you’re choosing not to have any play time today. You can play after you finish your work. So it’s up to you as to when you can play…”*

*Parents (and their children?) would have decided ahead of time, up to how long of computer/video game playing is allowed on a weeknight vs a weekend day…

Let Your Child “Win”: Healthy children need to rebel in order to separate him/herself from you. So, let your child “win” at something that really bothers you (but will not harm the child when s/he wins). For example: A teenager paints her nails black and wears black make-up. The parent says, “I really don’t like you wearing black make-up. It gives off a message of intimidation to others and you can lose some friends this way.” However, the parent doesn’t force the child to take off the ugly make-up, and invites the child to do some sort of activity that both the parent and the child enjoy, in order to convey unconditional acceptance.

Kids have to rebel and win at something, so give them something to win at! I’ve worked with parents who forbade their child from dating while s/he is young, and the child shares that s/he is attracted to people of the same gender - the very thing s/he knows her/his parents are deadly against…

Avoid/Prevent Power Struggles by setting clear expectations and their natural consequences, so it isn’t a struggle between the parents and their children. Rather, it’s a choice the child is choosing, with its consequences…

Whenever you can, use “Joining” to convey you being on your child’s side, emotionally, while Continue to hold your child accountable: Acknowledge your child’s feelings as you continue to lay down the law and hold him/her to your expectations.

For example: “I am being such a kill-joy and a mean parent in not allowing you to go out and play until after you’ve finished your chores!...Go finish your chores…the sooner you finish them, the sooner you’ll be able to go out and play.” DO NOT EXPLAIN why you are going your child accountable right there and then. Join their feelings and hold them accountable, and wait for ANOTHER time to explain why you hold him/her accountable.

If you cannot empathize with your child’s feelings at the moment. DO NOT try Joining. Do Active Listening or Reflective Listening instead, so as not to come across as condescending or humiliating your child…

 

Resources:

1. Focus on the Family has a lot of resources for families: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting.aspx
2. Touch Life Mission has possible resources in Chinese to help with raising American Born Chinese children (this was recommended to me, I don’t personally know this resource): http://touchlifemission.com/
3. Boundaries with Teens: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/boundaries-with-teens-john-townsend/1102902623?ean=9780310270454
4. Chat Pack: A fun deck of cards you can use to spark conversations with your children: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/chat-pack-bret-nicholaus/1019635255?ean=9780975580165

Marriage and Family Resources

This Blog contains resources on topics of Dating, Marriage and Parenting from workshops I gave in conferences/churches. Please feel free to share them with whomever might benefit...

(Post 1)

Managing Expectations for Marriage (For Singles…and a refresher for the Married)

 Hoping to get married one day?  It’s easy to view marriage as a romantic fairytale, but we really need to know the truth and go into this union with realistic expectations.  This article shares common faulty expectations in marriage, which can lead to disappointment, frustration and even disillusionment.  At the same time, there are basic expectations that spouses need to agree on in order to protect the union.  This article provides wisdom along the way as you date and eventually pursue a fulfilling, grace-filled marriage! 

1. It takes grace to be single, and it takes a lot more grace to be married: Your spouse is a separate person with his/her own temperament, upbringing-influenced expectations, values and way of dealing with life.
2. Common Faulty Expectations: Your spouse will complete you; you are two halves becoming one whole; your spouse can read your mind; your spouse will attend to all of your needs, wants and desires; your spouse will naturally speak your love language; your spouse will naturally be your soul mate and best friend; you are supposed to share everything with your spouse; your spouse will put your first all the time; unconsciously you wish/expect your spouse will be to you what you wished your parent should have been toward you; when you marry your spouse, you are only marrying him/her, not his or her family.
3. Marriage is inter-dependence of two whole people.
4. Healthy/General expectations of being married:
   1. Swimming upstream.
   2. It will bring out the worst in you, as well as the best in you.
   3. Hard work will reap ripe fruit: we reap what we sow, however, your spouse is not to be your project (Don’t marry someone in order to “save” or change them).
   4. Your spouse will have the most influence in molding and shaping your life going forward, so choose wisely.
5. Be on the lookout for Repetition Compulsion (See “Modern Psychoanalytic Nibbles” Blog Post # 2:Modern Psychoanalytic Nibbles ).
6. Five Benchmarks of a Good Relationship:
   1. Ability to be vulnerable with one another.
   2. Ability to empathize with each other.
   3. Ability to resolve conflict.
   4. Love when it’s inconvenient.
   5. Commitment to the relationship.
7. Basic expectations to live by: Be faithful to your marital vow; Be accountable to one another (with where about, time, finances); Be committed to work on the marriage.
8. Set healthy boundaries to protect the marriage: No cross-gender one on one relationships; Don’t be a messenger of bad message between your spouse and your family of origin; Have together time as well as separate down time.
9. Keys to successful marriage ~ Everyone wants to be seen, heard, understood, accepted and loved:
   1. Have similar/close enough calling in life (i.e., life in urban setting vs in rural area).
   2. Let go of expectations.
   3. Work toward full acceptance: You married a pear instead of an orange!
   4. Give each other the room to grow and develop so you don’t stagnant one another, while not developing totally parallel/separate lives.
   5. Learn to love yourself so you can better love your spouse.
   6. The family/marital unit is more important than your personal “needs.”
   7. Extension of grace.
   8. Balance between expecting full acceptance and willingness to change for the better.
   9. Four tiers of priorities: God first, then your spouse, third priority is your children, and the last priority is your job/ministry and extended family and friends.
   10. Choose to be on the same team with your spouse.
   11. Willing to “lose the battle in order to win the war.”
   12. Apply lots of humor.

Applications:

1. Prayerfully make a list of what attributes you’d like in your future mate (i.e.: being godly, patient, having determination, being driven, etc…) and work on realizing the list yourself.
2. Identify your deal-breakers.
3. Keep your eyes open, one eye closed and both eyes closed: whatever is bothering you about your significant other will only become more glaringly bothersome as you get married.

Challenge:

Set Mission Statement/Core Values for your marriage: one that will bring God’s glory, edify the Body of Christ and be a blessing to others.